I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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