I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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