just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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