the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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