I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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