did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
