i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
