You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
