pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Just pee around me
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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