Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
