do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
