I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
My balls are so social today.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
