I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
