Kiss
Puke
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
