I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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