I look better un-naked...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
