I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
