Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
