imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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