It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
