Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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