I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Let's paint friendship bongs
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
