I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Randomize
