Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
