Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
