Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
