It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
