The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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