WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
