i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
