like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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