Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
