I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
