you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
