ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
