i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
