He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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