Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
