how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
