Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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