I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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