U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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