just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
