a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
