I'm jealous of your bromance
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
