last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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