covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
