good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
