I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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