just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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