Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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