So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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